false alarm. still invincible.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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