My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize