But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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