Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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