Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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