pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
FUCK WHALES
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
