Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
