My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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