don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
