If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
