I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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