That's intense
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
