Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
