somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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