Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
