And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
