I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
