Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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