I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
