Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
