i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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