Are we in a gay sports bar?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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