Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize