paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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