I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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