dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
