took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my poor anus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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