Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
