I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
