It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
