I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
