I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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