I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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