This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
