I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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