does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
