my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
