I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
