I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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