Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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