i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
