probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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