I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
