just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
