I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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