Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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