i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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