he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
