he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
