I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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