He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize