no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
