I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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