thus making me awesome and them whores
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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