You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
