she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
