I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
