dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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