yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize