Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
