No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we made out on top of his cat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
