I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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