Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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