um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
