i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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